Zhan Hu, Day 13.  "I had the best sleep ever," says Sherea, as the now Dave-less squad rouses at their customary noon wakeup.  Remember, Sherea’s put in a lot of hours testing the firmness of the sleeping mats, so she’s earned a good rest.  Today, she may be called upon to yawn and stretch, so she should really take it easy.  Frosti comments Zhan Hu should be a strong squad, but Fei Long is also strong.  Peih-Gee agrees, saying, "It helps they have James."  Is that a chord of foreboding I hear on the soundtrack?  No?  How about when Sherea says she still feels like an outsider while the four others are a "clique?"  She continues, "I’m lookin’ forward to some drama" so things will change in her favor.  Cue opening credits.  One thing I will say in this season’s favor; every episode has had a full-length title sequence.  Hey, did you notice Ashley has boobs?  It’s really subtle, as they only take up two-thirds of the screen when they flash her name.

Erik and Jaime toil hard at Zhan Hu’s major industry; bathing in the lake.  The two bland cuties make chaste goo-goo eyes at each other.  Erik comments, "It’s a Garden of Eden setting minus all the fruit."  "I can’t find anything wrong with him so far," gushes Jaime.  Yeah?  Try this on.  "I’m a virgin," confesses Erik.  Jaime’s face contorts like she just swallowed a water roach, but she gamefully tells us, "I think it’s great that Erik is still a virgin," ’cause it means he trusts her.  She in turn tells him about the hidden Immunity Idol.

Meanwhile at Fei Long, it’s a connection of another, thankfully less wet sort, as James and Denise sing each others’ praises while they both work hard around camp.  However, James confesses if he was older or Denise was younger, "She’d be in trouble!"  Denise tells us she trusts the gravedigger and plans to "ride his coattails as long as I can."  A fishing boat motors towards the camp, prompting Amanda to worriedly foreshadow, "Something’s going on."  The fisherman brings a message.  Fei Long is to choose the "two warriors" from Zhan Hu they feel could most help their tribe.  Immediately, the Fei Longs grasp that this means they’ll lose their two strongest players as well.  Just like real kidnappers, they circle Frosti and Sherea on a form copied from Macaroni Grill’s make-your-own-pasta menu.  Todd confides this could throw a wrench into his game; "Everything has to be put on pause."  Knowing he’ll be chosen - er, kidnapped - by Zhan Hu, James wails, "Oh, the humanity!"

Think Zhan Hu was kinda mentally deficient before?  The next few minutes confirm it, as every last one of them believe kidnapping two Fei Longs will increase their number to seven.  Not once does it occur to any of them that they’ll be losing two of their own.  It’s no accident these dopes get [bleeped] up the [bleep] every week.  "We don’t want any of the women," declares Peih-Gee.    Okay, I could totally agree if you’re talking about Courtney, the whiney pipe cleaner princess, but haven’t Amanda and Denise proved themselves tough customers?  Yeah, Aaron and James are Fei Long’s two heavy hitters but the blanket dismissal of the women, by another woman no less, makes me not like Peih-Gee so much, despite her increased hotness whenever she lets her hair down.  And Peih-Gee does nothing to redeem herself this episode, as events will prove.  The Zhan Hus bafflingly continue to believe their ranks are about to increase and their fortunes turn - "It’s looking really good for us!" - when the fishing boat pulls in and delivers its cargo of fresh, cold reality; Frosti and Sherea are leaving.  "That was real dumb," Sherea admits of Zhan Hu’s assumption.  She cries as the boat takes her and Frosti away.

Another fishing boat simultaneously arrives at Fei Long to carry off Aaron and James.  "Everything’s messed up," says Aaron as he collects his things.  But no one is more inconsolable than Jean-Robert.  "We’re losing our two strongest warriors," he grouses before everyone.  "I thought you were our strongest warrior," snarks Courtney in full bitch.  Okay, I still don’t like Courtney, but that’s funny.  Jean-Robert and Denise are unhappy to see James go, as he was their best ally.  Sensing how things are gonna shake out, Jean-Robert goes all proactive, trying to make the tribe agree Sherea gets voted out first, then Frosti.  Oh, nothing too desperate there.  Again, I have to ask, this guy plays poker for a living?  Really?  "Today’s a terrible day for Fei Long," Jean-Robert moans.  "And today’s a god-awful day for Jean-Robert."

The two fishing boats - I mean, kidnapping boats - pass each other, the kidnappees waving.  "We’re gonna be fine…," Aaron tells James.  "We’re cool."  As his boat approaches Zhan Hu’s camp, Aaron asks, "Where’s their hut?"  Welcome to Zhan Hu, Aaron.  The land where if Dave didn’t build it his own damn self, it doesn’t exist.  In addition to the two new players, the fisherman has brought food and booze with which the reshuffled tribe can celebrate.  "Who’s the brain outa this group?," James asks.  "We all are," answers Peih-Gee, voice remarkably free of irony.  Peih-Gee claims she’s good at puzzles.  File this for later.  Knowing he’s gotta prove himself valuable to his new tribe, James says he’ll work hard and organize the camp.  Peih-Gee proposes a toast to the new Zhan Hu.

It’s a similar scene as Frosti and Sherea arrive at Fei Long.  Todd has apparently un-paused his game, and hopes he can form "great bonds" with the new arrivals.  Sherea admits she was not in a good place at Zhan Hu, and hopes the new tribe sees her in a "different light."  She also promises to "step up some."  Uh-oh, I smell a redemption edit coming soon.  Frosti, however, is not so hopeful; "Things are really messed up now."

Day 14 dawns to find Jean-Robert up first, making fire and morning rice.  Gosh, whatever could prompt this display of energy?  The veteran Fei Longs see through Jean-Robert’s display like a dirty windshield.  "Who’s gonna argue with him now?," wisecracks Denise, now that Aaron’s gone.  She suggests Sherea, who laughs.  Frosti absolutely loves that Jean-Robert is the target of so much wrath, hoping this will spare the new castaways.  Amanda is amused at the poker player’s bald attempt to "save his butt."  Displaying his usual smooth tact, Jean-Robert barks orders to the others.  Denise asks if he’s now the tribe leader.  Jean-Robert answers no, so Denise advises he not "hand out orders."  Instead, he can ask nicely.  "Good morning, everyone," Amanda wryly says.  "Welcome to Fei Long."

At Zhan Hu, James does his usual work of three men around camp, while Aaron gets heavily invested in the never-ending toil that is bathing in the lake.  "This is Zhan Hu, this is my tribe," Aaron gushes.  "I feel comfortable here.  I don’t know how James feels."  Now I have nothing against Aaron.  He’s a little dull, but he seems nice and capable.  More important, I have serious money riding on him in the office pool, so I’m a little concerned that he contracted Stockholm Syndrome and is ready to sell out James so quickly.  Bonding with his captors, Aaron happily spills that James was "the catalyst" for all of Fei Long’s victories.  He argues James is valuable now, but he’ll be a huge threat post-merge.  Aaron calls this sell-out of James his "strategy card."  Jaime, who spends 95% of this episode glistening wet, asks whether Jean-Robert would be the first voted out after the merge.  Aaron answers he isn’t sure, and Peih-Gee gets suspicious.  She tells us she thinks Aaron is charming and good looking, but she also believes he’s holding back.  Then perhaps Aaron concocts a counter-strategy with James, or James forges an alliance with Erik, or Peih-Gee decides to make out underwater with Jaime, but I’ll never know ’cause the screen goes black, an Armageddon buzzer goes off, and Sonoma/Alameda/Napa Counties get an amber alert.  Some 20-year-old crack bride in Oakland kidnapped her own two-year-old from foster parents.  Nice.  Wonder if she remembered to circle his name on the menu.

As the tribes assemble for the Immunity Challenge, Jeff asks how the tribal change-up is going.  Todd answers they lost two good people, but feels they also gained two valuable players in Frosti and Sherea.  Asked how important this challenge is, Aaron bluntly says, "We have to put up or shut up.  You win and you don’t go home."  For Immunity, two castaways from each tribe will swim out to platforms and dive down to submerged cages.  Inside the cages are twelve discs, secured by long rods.  The discs, representing the twelve Chinese zodiac symbols, are puzzle pieces.  (Try and act surprised.)  Fei Long, outnumbering Zhan Hu by two, sits out Amanda and Courtney.  Aaron and Erik swim out for Zhan Hu, while Fei Long is represented by Jean-Robert and Frosti.  "Go Jean-Robert!," cheers Courtney, then confesses to Amanda it broke her heart to do that.  As her team’s divers plunge to release more discs, Jaime yells for them to take their time and catch their breaths.  Her motives are not entirely pure as we’ll soon learn.  There’s some friction as Peih-Gee dismisses James’ strategy for solving the puzzle.  Zhan Hu leads as Aaron and Erik have secured a good lead, bringing the puzzle pieces back to the beach.  Jean-Robert nearly accomplishes the impossible, i.e. making himself even more unpopular, when he comes this close to tipping Fei Long’s boat and dumping their hard-won puzzle discs.  As if the poker player isn’t having a tough enough time, he has to endure Jeff gleefully shouting, "Jean-Robert completely exhausted."  But before Fei Long can be counted out, the Zhan Hu girls prove useless as Colin Farrell’s razor.  "Jaime appears not to be concerned at all," Jeff says, growing irritated.  Do not throw a challenge on Probst’s watch!  Stuck on puzzle duty, James is clearly frustrated with his new tribe mates.  It only gets more pathetic when Jeff asks Peih-Gee whether she’s good at puzzles. "I’m good at Seduko," she airily replies.  "Seduko!," James huffs.  "Pay attention!"  Fei Long wins again.  Jeff finds a puzzle disc Jaime discarded before icily turning on the losing tribe; "Zhan Hu, definitely the worst performance at a challenge yet."  He points out Aaron and Erik gave them a big lead, but Jaime, Peih-Gee and James blew it.

Zhan Hu, Day 15.  "You can’t handle pressure!," James scolds Jaime.  He also weighs into "puzzle girl" Peih-Gee about being distracted by Jeff’s question.  "Now somebody else gotta go home."  James says it’s clear one of the girls has to go.  Yet once they break away from the guys, Jaime and Peih-Gee burst out laughing.  "We looked like complete idiots!," Jaime squeals.  Yeah, looked like.  "Were they doing that in other challenges?," Aaron asks Erik.  The bespectacled virgin approaches the girls, puffs out his narrow chest, puts on his best tough guy voice, and demands, "What the hell was that?"  Not intimidated in the least, the girls happily admit they threw the challenge.  Now here’s where Erik can prove he has a pair, and do what’s best for the team.  But of course, he folds like a paper napkin and tells us he’s "forced" to stick with the girls.  Showing who doesn’t call the shots in their new relationship, he then asks Jaime if they’re voting out James.  She says Aaron should go first.  Jaime confides she trusts James more, and Aaron probably has more ties to his old team.  Peih-Gee approaches James; "If you tell me you want to stay here longer, I’ll make it happen."  James, approaching heights of awesome yet unseen this season, says Aaron deserves to stay here.  For his part, Aaron asks Erik who they’re voting out.  Erik tells him James.  Aaron confides he’ll vote for James too, as that will avoid any "hard feelings or vendettas" with his new tribe mates.  Yeah, let’s see how well that works.

At Tribal Council, Jeff asks Jaime what was the decision process that went into picking Aaron and James?  Jaime answers they picked the two strongest.  Der-hay, Probst.  Aaron says the change-up was a shock, as "everything was going great at Fei Long."  He continues that losing the Immunity Challenge was a "big deal" to us.  Jeff points out Jaime smiling through all this.  "She has the numbers," James observes, "so she’s chilling."  Jeff gets down to brass tacks, asking Jaime if she did in fact throw the challenge.  "Yes, sir," she admits.  Not only do they lose, James marvels, but they’re happy they’re losing.  "You’re not winning nothing!"  Peih-Gee, who up until this episode I mistook for smart, thinks they’re playing a long-term game by picking off potential post-merge threats.   "What kind of sense is that?!," James fumes.  "I can’t work with them," he tells Jeff.  They know how he feels about not giving 100 percent; "I just can’t take another loss like that."   The grave digger displays what real integrity is on a show always in short supply, pretty much daring a hostile tribe to vote him out.  They don’t.  Instead, it’s shmoozemaster Aaron who’s given the boot.

In the Penthouse

James, Fei Long/Zhan Hu - Always his own man, working and playing harder than anyone.  The steely alpha to Erik’s whipped omega.

In the Doghouse

Jaime and Peih-Gee, Zhan Hu - Throw a challenge, and you’re dead to me forever.  I’m not watching this show so you can you dog it out there.

Commercials:  Lord, isn’t it bad enough the Travelocity Roaming Gnome has to bring his special brand of cloying misery into each and every season of The Amazing Race?  Why God, why is he now being allowed to sully Survivor?;  Oh, you may not have noticed, since they only promo’d it 64 times last night, but CBS has a new show called Viva Laughlin.  Melanie Griffith is pure nightmare fuel, looking more like Tammy Faye Baker every minute.

Next week, "The search for the hidden Immunity Idol gets warmer and warmer…and the survivors get a taste of the local cuisine." 

‘Til then!         

WRITTEN BY GARY SHERWOOD