Airai, Night 11.  The tribe, now freed of that Celtic-capped albatross known as Mikey B, returns to camp.  Jason makes a fire, telling us he really wanted to get rid of Chet.  It’s not like he woulda stepped all over Jeff’s lines if he didn’t feel strongly that about it.  Next morning, he’s still "bummed that Mikey’s gone," as he fears the fans are gonna keep losing.  Feeling decidedly better about the situation are Tracy and Chet.  "Another one bites the dust," she smiles, "and it’s not us."  They agree Jason is next.  "Sorry dude," says a not very sorry sounding Chet.  Walking and talking?  That’s enough strenuous activity for one day, Chet.  Take a seat.  As a reader pointed out the new opening credits edit out the departed castaways, cruelly denying us the traditional pleasure of screaming "GONE!" whenever they appear.  Least in the money shot where Parvati leans forward, her lips are still their proper size.  That comment will make more sense shortly.

Malakal, Day 12.  Chuckie, aka Charlie the rooster, fails in his appeal to the governor, and beheaded by lord high executioner Ozzy.  While the rest of the tribe digs into Chuckie drumsticks, Ozzy hides his idol in a cave wall.  The smart move here is to keep it to himself, but Ozzy feels he can trust James, and so he tells the giant gravedigger.  But only James, and no one –  Well, he also tells Amanda.  But only James and Amanda, an no one –  He tells Parvati.  Dude, why not just place an ad.  At least he draws the line at telling Cirie.  "We’re like the powerhouse right now," says Amanda.  Nothing on earth can stop this all-powerful foursome.

Except…

"Drop your buffs," Jeff orders as they fall in for the Reward Challenge, "we’re switching tribes."  Seven white stones, as well as one colored stone are blindly distributed to each tribe.  Ozzy gets the colored stone for Malakal, Natalie the same for Airai.  As captains, they are to pick who they want from the other tribe for their new team.  Natalie chooses James (well, duh), Ozzy chooses Joel (mistakenly calling him "Troy" for some reason), James chooses Alexis (anyone else wondering what Parvati thought of that?), Troy, I mean, Joel chooses Amanda (mmm, who wouldn’t?), Alexis chooses Jonathan (to balance the brawn with some brains), Amanda chooses Erik (aka "The One Who’s Not Jason"), Jonathan chooses Jason (aka "The One Who’s Not Erik"), Erik chooses Ami (the pickin’s are thinning out), Jason chooses Parvati (whom he effortlessly charms by calling her "Poverty"), Ami chooses Tracy (whom I’m surprised is picked this late), Parvati chooses Kathy aka "KB" (aka "The One I Can’t Believe Is Still On This Show"), Tracy chooses Cirie (this will prove to be a key pick), Kathy chooses Eliza (’cause she’s the only "favorite" left) and Cirie chooses Chet (ditto, substituting "fan" for "favorite").  "Oh, my god," grumbles Joel as he once again finds himself on the same team with the Sultan of Sit.  Joel will make such a hateful ass of himself this episode, so just settle in and think about the dynamics of karma.

For a reward of a big barbecue, the new tribes will divide into roped-together pairs.  One pair will chase another through an obstacle course, the pursuers having one minute to grab a flag off the back of the pursuees.  First squad to get three flags wins.  First up, Erik and Ozzy chase down Kathy and Natalie.  They get the flag in less time than it takes you to read this.  Next, Parvati and Eliza chase Chet and Joel.  The ladies get their flag, but Parvati also gets a massive fat lip when she hits an obstacle.  And she’s only the first casualty.  Amanda and Ami chase James and Jason, getting the flag but at the cost of Ami’s bruised knee.  That’s two down.  Let’s go for the hat trick as Alexis and Jonathan pursue Cirie and Tracy.  Alexis grabs the flag, but Jonathan’s knee somehow gets punctured.  As he hobbles off the course, a mayhem-happy Jeff recounts three have been injured in as many rounds.  Final round; Chet and Joel chase Eliza and Parvati.  Actually, that’s not quite right.  Joel chases the girls, while Chet is flailed alive, smacking every body part into the obstacles like an errant U-Haul hitched to the back of a drunk’s Trans-Am.  The gals manage to stay ahead for a full brutal minute, thus winning the game for the new Airai.  "I hit my head," says Chet.  "I don’t care," replies Joel.  "I know," Chet sighs.  It’s simultaneously really funny and really sad, like something out of a P.T. Anderson film.  And there is blood, at least in Jonathan’s case.  BTW, no Exile Island this episode, so the new tribe mates can bond and learn to hate a whole new group of people.

"Welcome to your new house," says Ozzy as he brings Malakal Mark II back to his beach.  "I’m not good at losing," admits Joel.  "It’s where my temper gets to me."  He figures getting stuck with Chet is "poetic justice" for shanking Mikey B.  Former Airai Erik is "so excited" to be on this tribe, especially as he finally got to meet Ozzy.  For his part, Ozzy is happy with the new squad, but feels they definitely need to get rid of Chet.  Aw, Chet.  Like some forgotten character out of Steinbeck, Chet is drawn to the cooped-up birds.  Having raised chickens, he knows their "pecking order" results in the death of the weakest one.  To paraphrase last week’s Simpsons, the chicken symbolizes obviousness.

At Airai, Kathy (rather than "captain" Natalie) shows off the squalid fans’ beach.  "The Airai camp is pretty much a disaster," declares Eliza. "It’s definitely a downgrade in terms of camp life."  The dopes learn water + fire = no fire when the rising tide washes out their cooking.  "I’m amazed they’re all still alive, poor things," marvels James.  "Bunch of dingbats."  For some reason, Jonathan’s knee is really messed up.  Gosh, all he did was perforate it in the tropical jungle with something covered in dirt and/or animal excrement.  The Survivor medics make their first appearance in, like what, two years.  It’s dead of night on Airai’s filthy beach, but who needs light or sanitary conditions when suturing an open wound?  "It’s crazy," comments Jonathan.  "Here in the middle of the friggin’ jungle."  I’d like to say that’s the end of Jonathan’s little infected knee problem, but the previews for next week would make a liar out of me.  Let’s just say Jonathan the actor is  gonna have the inside track if he ever auditions for peg leg pirate roles.

Malakal, Day 12.  Ozzy judo flips a killer whale and kills it with his thumbnail.  At this point, why not?  "I can’t compete with him," admits Erik, awash in a sea of man love.  "He’s amazing."  Ozzy, Erik and Joel discuss who should go next.  The order of march is Chet, Tracy and Cirie.  Joel agrees to get rid of Cirie first if Chet is next.  Erik likens the whole thing to a negotiation of superpowers.  Oh, wow, remember those?  1979 will always mean three things to me; junior high graduation, my first purchase of an Elvis Costello album (Armed Forces), and the SALT II treaty.  Joel realizes with the squad evenly divided, "somebody’s gonna have to flip."

Airai, Day 14.  Having apparently slept through the entirety of Day 13, the new Airais decide to build a real camp further inland.  Alexis is especially wowed by the experienced players’ knowledge (build your shelter with a roof, don’t build your fire next to oncoming waves), and Natalie is also impressed; "The new members of Airai are just on it."  Cue stock footage of James felling an entire forest with three whacks from an axe.  "I can’t tell you how nice it is for us," Alexis coos to a now-girlfriendless James.  "I know," he purrs back, hinting we may get some more bungle in the jungle before this season is up.

Malakal, Day 14.  Amanda returns to camp with an entire shark.  She found it in the fishing net, and killed breakfast for everyone.  "What am I gonna do?," Amanda shrugs.  "We don’t have sharks in Montana."  By my count, this makes only the third shark landed on the show.  Rich had that small one that bit and held onto his arm and Tom killed a much bigger one in Palau, so this puts Amanda in very rare company.  "That’s pretty attractive to a guy like me," says Ozzy, clearly smitten.  And who can blame the guy?  We got a regular Honeychile Rider on this show.  (Ian Fleming geeks are going, yeah!  Everyone else is just sadly shrugging.) 

For Immunity, castaways throw rocks at ceramic tiles.  Once a tile is smashed, it drops a bundle of puzzle pieces.  Once four bundles fall, the tribe assembles the puzzle with the help of a designated caller who watches from some sort of Wimbledon referee chair.  Malakal gets a good lead until it comes to actually putting the puzzle together.  That’s when Joel decides to holler over Chet’s instructions.  The Airai’s pull ahead, listening (sort of) to Eliza’s calling, and they pull off their second consecutive victory.  Even though they’ve won this round, Parvati’s upper lip is swollen to the size of a baby’s fist, and Jonathan is limping like Walter Brennan with a groin injury.

Back at Malakal, Joel has stopped counting how many losses he’s gone through.  He and Erik unsurprisingly agree to forego fan unity for the sake of a strong team.  Chet must go.  Having inherited the always helpful disproportionate Chet hate from Mikey B, Joel goes into a long riff on how spineless Chet is, how there’s "no honor" in keeping him, how he’s just a "ball of goo," and if this we’re medieval times, "we’d kill him."  Like I said, a hateful ass.  Joel and Ozzy once more agree to pick off Chet, Tracy and Cirie.  This gets relayed to Erik, who goes and blows it by telling Amanda and Cirie they’re getting rid of the "weaker" players.  Second-to-last picked Cirie knows where she fits in the scheme of things, and she goes into emergency conference with Chet and Obi Wan Tracy.  Chet argues they were winning that challenge until Joel shouted down Chet’s instructions.  They agree Joel should go.  Cirie now has to win over Ozzy and Amanda.  At first Ozzy is reluctant, as he feels they need Joel to win more challenges.  Cirie retorts that Joel hasn’t won them squat so far.  Joel is playing his own game, while Chet is a pawn they can use to their advantage.  This is the Cirie I fell in love with two years ago.  Ozzy admits it’s a hard decision.

At Tribal Council, Ozzy admits he chose Joel to match Natalie’s pick of James.  With no flies around to pull the wings off of, Jeff makes do with reminding Chet how he was picked last.  "Does that work on your psyche?"  Probst, I’d watch what you say around this guy.  His tormenters don’t fare well.  Chet says this was the team he wanted to be on anyway, so he doesn’t care how he ended up on it.  Tracy points out if Joel communicated better with Chet in the obstacle course, they could’ve won the Reward.  Joel argues he shouted commands.  "If [Chet] couldn’t hear me ’cause there was mud in his ears from being dragged around, it’s not my fault."  Way to win everyone’s sympathy, Thor.  Erik says at this point the team needs to stay strong, overriding any "fans" vs. "favorites" dynamics.  When Jeff reads the votes, Joel is given a well-deserved kick off the island.

In the Penthouse

Cirie, Malakal - How to redeem herself for the early removal of Yau-Man?  By masterminding the welcome ejection of the increasingly-awful Joel.  It’s good to have her back on the side of right.

In the Doghouse

Joel, Malakal - Back to the cave you go, Bambam.

You know, my private parts have more backbone than Chet.  Yet I love that all these burly he-men keep falling like bearded dominoes while he continues to sit around and commune with chickens.  And you know, the longer he stays in the game, the less likely it is he’s going anywhere.  He’s this season’s Courtney, i.e. the castaway everyone is gonna want to take with them to the jury. 

Next week:  "Ami questions her loyalty to the ‘favorites.’  On Exile Island, Jason makes a puzzling discovery.  And Jonathan’s infection gets worse."

‘Til then!

GARY SHERWOOD