by GARY SHERWOOD

Dabu, Day 28. The tribe sits at the fire. Ever the good sport, Erik tells the Parvati Patrol he understands why they blindsided Ozzy and says they made the right decision. Off by themselves, Amanda and James confer. The latter also admits the blindside was a good move. Amanda is not happy, though, saying Parvati and Cirie “made me look like an idiot.” She continues that “they want the men out of here.” Now James is concerned. Amanda confesses, “It definitely told me they’re here to play this game. Like game on. Bring it on. Let’s do this.” If by “do this,” you mean roll opening titles, we can do that.

Back at the fire, Cirie comments on James’ finger. He has a nasty cut which he’s been treating with coconut juice. As a trained nurse, it’s Cirie’s considered opinion that a damp cave and a camp teaming with vermin may not be the best place to tend an open wound. “Oh my god,” Parvati tells us, “I need to do some serious damage control today.” She finds James, and tries to explain she’d be a fool to take Ozzy any further. When James asks who she plans on bringing with her to the Final Four, Parvati bluntly tells him the “three girls” (I count four other women, so I wonder which one she plans on shafting). “I’m sorry,” Parvati says. James replies, “Sorry’s too easy. Sounds like haha to me.” (How great would it be if basso profundo James suddenly did the high-pitch Nelson Muntz haha? Alas, he doesn’t. But a man can dream.) James continues that, “they always have to eat the apple.” Getting defensive, Parvati says, “You wouldn’t credit me with a plan anyway.” James counters, “I don’t think you’re stupid. Just selfish.” True, but who on that island isn’t? Why else would you go on this show? Once more, James is bewildered that people are actually strategizing. Love the big guy, but he hasn’t learned a thing since China. Parvati moves onto Amanda, assuring her she’s “not out of the loop.” Amanda tells us, “Parvati is pretty much running the show at this point.” In other news, the sky is blue. Seeing their powwow, Cirie ambles over. She tells Amanda they trust her, but they knew she’d be unhappy when told they were voting out Ozzy. Parvati and Cirie tell Amanda she’s in their Final Three. Cirie wraps her big arms around Amanda, saying, “I feel so bad for you!”

No Reward Challenge this episode. Instead, each castaway has been given $500 for the Survivor Auction. The new wrinkle this season is neither money nor won items can be shared. ‘Cause let’s face it, that’s just plain communism. Jeff brings out the first covered item, which Cirie wins for a bid of $120. Jeff lifts the cover to reveal a hotdog and fries. Erik wins the next covered item for a bid of $80. Jeff says he can keep it, or choose another covered item. Erik makes the trade. Jeff reveals item number one was a jarred octopus. He lifts the cover on item two, and Erik is happy to see he won a plate of nachos. Natalie wins the next covered item for $40. It turns out to be a big bowl of fruit bat soup. Mm-mmm good…except for the fruit bat part. Natalie turns away, but James asks if he can have it. Jeff says sure, and James swoops down. He rips off the bat’s skin before devouring it. “That’s the secret.” I would think the secret is NOT EATING IT but what do I know? Jeff now brings out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and the effect is like Justin Timberlake strolling into a sorority. The women go absolutely mental outbidding each other until Amanda wins. Natalie wins the next covered item, which is a bottle containing a note instructing her to choose one person to go to Exile Island immediately. Knowing he’s the odd man out, Jason pleads not to go. Natalie asks whether the hidden idol has been replaced, and Jeff confirms it has. Picking Jason, Natalie rationalizes this could be a “good thing” if he finds the idol. “Maybe this time he’ll get a real one,” snarks Jeff, not missing a beat. As a bonus, Natalie also gets Jason’s money. Thus loaded she’s able to bid a whopping $380 on the next covered item, a chocolate cake the size of my living room. There’s “another layer to it,” Jeff says. Kindly remove your elbow from my ribs, Probst. A note attached orders Natalie to share the cake with three others. They will then have sixty seconds to wolf down as much as they possibly can. Without hesitation, Natalie calls over Parvati, Cirie and Alexis. As Jeff’s signal, the four women are a blur of hands and mouths. Staring with envy, Erik offers $20 to whoever lets him lick their fingers. When the mad minute is up, Cirie lets Erik lick her fingers, but for $40. Erik gladly pays it, moaning “oh baby” as he slobbers over Cirie’s chocolate-covered digits. “Oh, that’s sad,” marvels James. “Something’s wrong with that boy. He definitely has problems.” So says the man who just ate bat soup. With that, the auction is closed.

Back at camp, Parvati comments Jason was indeed lucky to be picked to go to Exile Island. “If he gets the idol,” Natalie says, “I’m gonna lose it.” She continues, “That little bitch now has two days of sunshine” in which to search for his salvation. Parvati says Jason has been on the biggest lucky streak ever.

At Exile Island, Jason reads the clues and, as he searches, comments things have changed for him. He believes Natalie and he can work together, since she kept her word about not voting for him and voted out Ozzy instead. Delusional beyond all measure, he continues that it’s in Natalie’s interest to keep him. Jason does in fact find the idol - one not made out of popsicle sticks - and tells us Natalie sending him out here was a strategic move on her part. He seriously believes he’s now part of her alliance. You know, every week I think this poor guy can’t be any more stupid. But there ya go.

Cirie tells the women they have to plan as if Jason has the idol. That means half will vote for James, while the others vote for Jason. They also plot to let Natalie get in his head, as they know he trusts her. Alexis comments this is pretty similar to voting out Ozzy, as they’ll have only one chance to blindside him. “If this goes,” Natalie confides, “this will just be brilliant.” She ain’t wrong. Twice in a row, the women will have blindsided the stronger guy with the Immunity Idol. By the way, who is this Natalie person and where did she come from?

Dabu, Day 30. Before coming back to the castaways, we bring you this footage of a parrot ripping the head off a lizard. With that disturbing imagery fresh in our consciousness, we join the tribe pondering Tree Mail which mentions something about déjà vu or whatever. Trust me, it’s not that important. Erik mentions it’s his 22nd birthday (so it’s November 27, 2007, for those of you who keep track of such things, Nick) and he’d really hate to get voted out today of all days. Natalie confides as “evil” as the women are, they want Erik to have a good birthday and he’s not going home tonight.

Jason returns as the tribe gathers for the Immunity Challenge. All eight will throw rocks at tiles. Those tiles contain puzzle pieces (yeah, they had to come back sometime). The first four to knock out their tiles move onto the second round, where they have to dig up a key and assemble their puzzle, which lowers planks. The first two will progress to the third round in which they’ll use their planks to cross a rope bridge. First to make it to the platform at the end of the bridge wins Immunity. Before the fun starts, Natalie manages to pull Jason aside and inform him James is going home tonight so the gravedigger must not be allowed to win. Fat lotta good it does, as James moves ahead anyway to round two, along with Jason, Erik and Amanda. The three guys find their keys rather quickly, and it comes down to Erik and James going into the final round. Erik’s slow and steady approach with the planks gets him over the bridge quicker than James, who’s ungainly hastiness dumps him into the water. Erik wins to the not-very-discreet relief of the women, who cheer his victory. Parvati screams, “Happy birthday!,” and Natalie blows him a kiss.

“So far, Part A of the plan is perfect,” Parvati confides. I’ve been calling her alliance the Parvati Patrol, but she comes up with a much better name. “It’s like the Black Widow Brigade,” Parvati informs us, as the women will spin the guys round and round before “devouring them one at a time.” As Jason heads off to, I don’t know, fish or snipe hunt, Cirie asks where’s his stuff? Not wasting a second, Natalie rifles Jason’s things and finds he indeed has the idol. Erik shakes his head, but is it in admiration or condemnation of the women’s ruthlessness? Cirie wonders whether Jason will use it. Natalie doesn’t think so, based on the fake out conversation she had with him before the Immunity Challenge. But just to make sure the fish has taken the bait (and to provide us with some more laughs), Natalie works further mojo on Jason She tells the poor sucker she intentionally sent him to Exile in order to get the idol. Jason thanks Natalie for keeping her word when she voted out Ozzy, and swears she has his word in return. He tells Natalie he found the idol, and Natalie does a heroic job of not asking whether it’s just a twig with SEKRIT IDOL written in felt tip. The big clown compliments Natalie on her game savvy in sending him to Exile Island. He promises his word is good. Meanwhile, James and Amanda confer. The latter isn’t sure what to do. She knows the plan is to vote out Jason, but James tells her he’s writing down Parvati and hopes Amanda will join him. James doesn’t think Jason is so stupid he won’t play the idol. Amanda isn’t so sure. Hanging out with “his” alliance, Jason looks very pleased with his damn self. Natalie confides she imagines “flossing my teeth with his jugular.” It’s either him or James going home; the women are just “picking them off one by one.” After two-and-a-half months, it’s nice to see Natalie get some face time but girlfriend’s got size six teeth in a size two head. You win this thing, promise you’ll do something about those bunny choppers.

As the tribe sits for Tribal Council, Eliza and a bitch-faced Ozzy take their seats on the jury. Jeff says when the tribe voted out Ozzy, they got rid of their biggest provider. Parvati answers they all do a good job of providing. Jeff points out as James is next big physical threat he must feel threatened. James makes a point of naming Parvati as the instigator of Ozzy’s downfall, saying she’s doing what she has to do. “I could try to politic but I suck at that,” James admits. Erik feels the same as James, knowing he’s also in a bad spot. Asked whether he feels his social standing has changed since he willingly gave up Immunity so the tribe could eat, Jason says it has. He continues that going to Exile Island was a good opportunity, and he wants to now show his tribe mates what he can do. Asked whether someone can change their social standing this late in the game, Natalie says yes as the game keeps changing. After everyone casts their votes, Jeff says now’s the time to play the idol. Jason doesn’t play it, eliciting a big smile from Cirie. James racks up three votes and Parvati gets one (care of ex-man toy James), but Jason is finally put out of his misery with the remaining four. Playing very smart, Natalie betrays no reaction. Before being dismissed, Jeff tells James that medical needs to look at his shredded finger.

In the Penthouse

Natalie - It took eleven episodes, but we finally see her game. And it’s something fierce. The former missionary revels in being a stone cold bitch.

In the Doghouse

Jason - Anyone who hasn’t learned by now to use the freakin’ idol deserves to get the their dumb ass voted out. But he made for some good comic relief.

This is the third classic ep in a row. I am loving this season like none since…well, probably since Season 2 way back in ‘01. I couldn’t even begin to guess who’s going to win. We still haven’t seen Alexis really step up yet, but I get the feeling she’s gonna be a force to be reckoned with pretty soon. And I stand by my prediction than Erik is somehow going to miracle himself into the Final Four.

Next week, James gets his finger treated and the family members pay a visit.

‘Til then!